Help. my dad doesnt want to know me anymore?

Well my parents are divorced and they have been since i was 6, i remember standing in the middle of them so they would both shut up and stop fighting! im 14 btw


ok well ever since the day he walked out he has had this on/off relationship with me and my 2 younger sisters.





He will promise us that hell be consistent and see us every 2nd weekend this happens for about a month and then he'll lose all contact with us for anywhere between 3-6 months its even been 1 yr before. Well this has been happening for 8 yrs and my mum and me are sick of it (i love dancing and he has never seen me dance at any concerts or anything), well recently he lost contact agian so my mum texted himm saying ';why havent you called the girls lately';. and he texted back this: '; if your gonna be so pushy, i dont want to know any of you. DONT CALL ME and i wont be calling you, get out of my life';....this has really hurt me :'( plzz tell me how to get over this and to forget him because right know the teardrops are falling on my keyboard and the only person that has made me feel better is my boyfriend!





He once gave me $20 for my birthday but the next day made me give it back to him so he could buy his cigarettes, he used to hit me with his belt and smack me over the head :'C


Thank you sincerely for reading this :)Help. my dad doesnt want to know me anymore?
Firstly, I feel really angry that he has made you feel this way (and I don't even know him), and secondly a good bit of advice to help you think a little calmer is this: Being called someone's Dad or Father is just a name. But to be considered a real man, a real Dad, a real father - you have to act like one. The same goes for friends, mums, grandparents, aunties, sisters - you can be called anything, but to BECOME something takes hard work.... the man that you have had labelled as your father is not stepping up to his responsibilities.





To make yourself feel more detached if you want to (14 is a mature enough age) I would begin to think of him in your mind as his name e.g. David Jones) rather than 'my dad'. That way you are still recognising that he exists, but you will not feel so upset every time you think about this horrible situation.





My boyfriend has the same thing with both of his parents, they both effectively disowned him because they couldn;t be bothered with him and he's 23 now and beg ginning to realise that Mum and Dad are just names we give people because we are told to do that froma young age.





You say that you have sisters - this is awesome. No matter if they are younger or older than you it means you have people that can understand how you are feeling, so if you are a bit moody they will be less likely to get angry back at you. If possible I would ask your mum if you can all sit down and watch a film or something, or all go for a walk to a park and just have a 'family' chat about the situation and that will give all of you a chance to voice your opinions on your 'dad' and decide as a family if you want to cut him out of your lives or not.





You are very brave to write this on here and I wish you luck, it sounds to me like he should be honoured to have you and your sisters as children, and if he is willing to throw that away because he is too cowardly and lazy to be a real man then you are better off without him.





P.S. As long as you a prepared for either no answer, or a hurtful answer, maybe you could write a handwritten letter to your father and explain that he has let you down so much that you feel its best if you break contact for a while because you have to get on with your school work and dancing. That way you are in control not him!Help. my dad doesnt want to know me anymore?
You can't get ovr your father, He's your father! Apart of him is always with you even if he's not physically there. Realize people come and go, and in the end you only got yourself. B Strong, carry on--
i'm not sure if you have childline in america, but if you do then i suggest you call it. just remember how horrible he has been and over time your pain will heal
It's a shame really, but you can't choose perfect parents and in some cases, vice versa.





My only piece of advice is this, try not to allow this to subconsciously ruin any and all future relationships.





Try to see this situation objectively, he has problems being an appreciative or caring parent, it's not your fault he's this way, if he's primarily mad at mum, this is probably his way at getting back at her for whatever he perceives she did to force a divorce.





This is irrational behavior, there's no way to justify treating children like a vindictive little punk.





My mom %26amp; Dad divorced when I was about 5, it screwed me up bad %26amp; it forced me to grow up faster than I was prepared to do, it sucks, but that's life, you can't pick which family that raises you, but you can try to make the most of the relationships that are still positive in your life, like your B.F. or your mum.





But, don't beat yourself up over bad Dad behavior, there's nothing you can do besides being yourself to change how your dad sees you or your mum.





Do you have an trustworthy uncle or relative you can go to as a substitute father figure?





If the blood version doesn't want you, find someone who appreciates you for who you are, if the actual Dad doesn't like you, don't let that resentment define who you are, as tough as that is to accept, try to find anything positive, because the negatives in life will only hasten your demise, you don't want a life of self-perpetuated self-loathing %26amp; misery do you?





Know yourself better than anyone else.
It is very sad what is going on with you and your sister.


Unfortunately not everybody in life is lucky enough to have both parents next to them.


It seems though the problem is that your father is a jerk. You can not change that. You have to accept the reality.


It is not you or your sisters. You must be good kids. There is nothing wrong with you, so do not even think about blaming yourself.


Be strong and be there for the people you love, like your sisters, friends and your mom.


When you grow up and will have your own kids, you will understand what a a..hole he was.


Keep it up and be very strong.


You are amazing to share your story.


Take care
Hey.


reading this made my whole body freeze.


All i can say is, your not alone. my dad doesn't give a **** about me either, i met him for the first time on 10 years 2 years ago, and he was going to the hospital, when i came home he called me the same day and screamed to me, why the hell didn't u visit me at hospital? i said i would come some days later..





My friend, 12 years old is making all food on he's own, and he is the one taking care of he's 10 year old sister. he's father doesn't do anything.





how to get over him, shouldn't be fairly hard. just leave him alone with he's Cigars.


You know yourself you don't need him as long as you have your boyfriend, your mom and your friends.





Don't worry too much about it, go out and play with your friends have fun and enjoy life.





i really hope this helps.


R.
Sometimes it is better to let go.





I went through the same thing, my mother would always make excuses to make me feel better, and my mother would be the one doing all the phoning and setting up days to see him. Eventually she gave up. And at first it was very hard knowing that i have a dad out there and he has no interest in seeing me.





But i left it and as time went on my mother met another man, and he took my dad's place. And i suddenly forgot what it felt like to be with my biological father. There will be days that you will feel down and want to cry. But it's good to cry.





Don't let him get you down, It's not that he does not love you, because trust me he does and one day when he realises what a bad father he is being or has been he will come to you.





Carry on dancing like you do, and just pretend he is there i used to do that, and eventually you forget that hes not there. And your mother becomes the most important woman in your life.





Keep you chin up, and smile because you have your whole life ahead of you, and this experience just makes you a stronger person.
Men can be that way. No not all guys mind you, but it's far more common for a man to walk away from his family in this way than it is for a woman.





It is not you. That's what you have to understand first. The issues he has, his inability to bond or love, to think beyond his own feelings are not YOUR fault. He is being selfish and uncaring.





Trouble is there is very little you can do about it. Your Mum is looking out for your best interests, but by supporting you and going to him she may actually make it worse. There is a reason they aren't together and whatever the reason is, he isn't happy with her or maybe happy about being apart. When she reaches out to him he takes it as an offense, he looks at it as something she is using against him.





This is yet another thing that isn't fair to you, but again, something you can't control.





Do you need to look any further for evidence of selfish behavior than someone who gives a child a gift and then takes it away for their own benefit a day later?





Now the hard part... you need to learn that this is not you, this is not your fault and there is very little you can do to control this. If you make yourself available to him then you put yourself at risk of being hurt when he chooses himself, which he's already shown. You have 2 sisters that are going through the same thing, hopefully you can help them to understand this as well. They are probably going through some of the same feelings, although everybody acts out in different ways as a result of this.





And while there may be some good guys out there, don't jump into any relationships expecting to fill that void your father left. You don't want to make a bad choice years from now and repeat the pattern. Be strong, believe in yourself, treasure your mother and your sisters. Your father may some day come to realize what he's lost, maybe he knows this already and has pulled away because he can't handle it.





Keep your head up, you're worth more than his passing interest and you know that.
Why O Why would you ever even WANT this a$$wipe in ur life??? There are plenty of better men in the world....Trust me... n if u really want a fatherly figure, u can always visit an old age home.... the pain u see in the ppl whose children have left them for the daed will be far more than what u will feel... this guy doesnt give a **** what happens to you or urr 3 sisters... then why bother with him... love ur mom with ur whole heart.. god knows she needs it....N tell her so too, today.





P.S. if u do bump into ur father again, tell him to go F@#k a dead monkey, from my side.... beating a child with a belt and taking her birthday money for cigarettes... some man.....
Some fathers can be ******* I'm sorry yours is, so was my daughters father, she never knew him, altho now she see him at a distant and is disgusted by the sight, she says the only thing she is thankful for from him is her looks, she is very pretty. But the only father she's ever known is my husband who loves her as his own, she is now 22 and is doing fine. Talk to your friends clergyman, pastor or even doctor so your feelings do not get bottled up which can be a problem, prove to him you can be fine without him, I'm sure he will come around down the road when he needs something. But hang in there, you will be fine and I'm sure you'll get answers with a lot of support.


And remember to pray, it's refreshing.
Unfortunately, Katrina, we can not pick our relatives. Some will disappoint us, some will embarrass us, and some we will never know at all. Be assured that he will suffer and feel guilty off and on about what he has done. He will pay for it one day when he is older and realizes that he missed out on his children's lives and his grandchildren's lives.





There is nothing you can do to make him grow up right now. He is living a selfish life right now, and probably treats everyone he loves the same way. Some people just don't realize how much the things they do affect their families, and particularly their children. It could have been worse. He could have stayed, beat you, and mistreated you for all of your life. Just be thankful you have a wonderful mother that was willing to be both mom and dad to you.





My dad was an alcoholic and did basically the same thing. As I grew up I realized that, at least he was not beating my mother up anymore, taking me to bars until he got so drunk he passed out, and kicking me against floor heaters anymore. I was better off not having him in my life. I just had to make peace with the fact that I basically had no father. Thank God for giving me a strong and very loving mother that became both my best friend and my ';father'; also.





If you are still feeling angry about all of this when you ar older, get some therapy to help you come to terms with it. Don't let it mess up your future.





My prayers are with you for happiness and a very healthy and productive life.