My boyfriend's mom is completely over bearing... how do I deal?

My boyfriend and I have lived together for about a year now. For the past six months he, his mother, and I have been fighting over and over again. She calls 2-3 times a day most days, some days as many as 10. We live the next town over (20 minutes) and she still calls him to say ';Please come over and take out the trash';. He's finally telling her ';no';. (He's in his early 30's!) But that took months. And its only the beginning.





She will pick arguments with me. I try to bite my tongue as much as possible. She's said things like 'your just an in-law you don't matter, and your not even that yet' and 'I don't want to see her again keep her away from me'. Occasionally I fire back. Yesterday she started yet another argument with me. I literally walked away. I thought it was over. She proceeded to call over and over again for the next 6 hours! My boyfriend argued my point and that this has to stop. But she kept calling. Finally I hashed it out with her. Mind you the argument was over the economy and I'm a college sociology instructor. She had no idea what she was talking about. But it was trivial and I walked away about 2 minutes into it. There was no reason for it to get drug on for six hours!!!





I thought he was the one. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Now my friends and family tell me that if I can't get along with her I need to walk away. The thought breaks my heart. I don't know what to do anymore. Help?!My boyfriend's mom is completely over bearing... how do I deal?
It's his mother not yours.You still can make the relationship work.My wife has problems with certain members of my family,I don't pressure her to go to family functions,I would love it if things were different,but they are what they are.You are not thinking about marrying his mother,you would be marring him.In the bible it says a man is to love his wife,cleave from his mother and father,and become one flesh with his wife.It sounds like your boyfriend is taking your side in this mess,that's avery good sign he's putting you first.As far as the phone calls go, don't answer when you know it's her.Sounds like she's trying to run you off.If you love this man don't let her,Fight for your man,but passively.Things could be worse,he could be a momma's boy and take her side against you.The only way to win this game,is to not play.My boyfriend's mom is completely over bearing... how do I deal?
I think you need to sit down with your boyfriend and a long talk about the situation. It is HIS mother so any change in the situation is going require his assistance. You need to discuss with him the need to set boundries (number of phone calls a day, times of phone calls etc.) with his mother. If he is willing to work on this and support you then I think you have a chance. If he is unwilling, well it may be time to reconsider if the relationship is worth the stress of his mother. In the meantime I would keep my level of contact with his Mom to the minimum. Don't engage her. Don't answer the phone when she calls. Don't go to visit her and if she comes over say you have plans and go out.
The problem is that your boyfriend should have established his independence from his mom a long time ago. The only reason he's making feeble attempts to do it now is because of you. That's not unusual though, a lot of guys start wanting to become better men once they're really in love with a woman.





The best thing to do is to control yourself. Stop fighting about his mom, and stop arguing with her. Let your boyfriend handle this. You are literally killing your relationship every time you step in and take matters into your own hands. Be gracious and respectful towards his mother. Who cares if she doesn't know what she's talking about. Does that make you any less right?





It's probably a good idea for you and your boyfriend to discuss your expectations of this relationship. Do you expect him not to help his mom when she calls? Do you expect him to limit his phone calls with her? Do you expect him to run everything through you to see if his relationship with his mom meets your approval?





I suggest you guys put everything on the table. List all of your expectations, both yours and his, and then come to an agreement. If you can't do this before you are married, you certainly won't be able to after you're married.
She definatley needs to back off. Your boyfriend has to step up and tell her to quit calling every day and quit treating you like a second class citizen, or your relationship will never work. You do marry the famiy as well as the man. I've been married for 11 yrs and we've had our ups and downs, but you really have to love them as your own family for things to be relatively smooth. Trust me!
I don't think you should walk away from him simply because you don't get along with his mother. The fact that he's finally standing up to his mother on your behalf is a good sign in the right direction. Maybe it's taken longer than you'd like, but the point is that he's doing it now and you need to be thankful for that. If he is the one for you, and you've both talked about having a future together, then this issue with his mother needs to be addressed by the both of you, together, with her. She needs to see the reality of the situation, and that reality is that her ';little boy'; is a grown man now, and is moving on from her to another woman in his life who could someday become his wife. You are probably not the only person she picks fights with, and the reason she's doing it is because she sees you as a threat. She will probably never accept the fact that her son is growing up, but since you are all adults now, she needs to at least respect the fact that you are a human being and if she truly loves her son, she will back off you. Nobody's saying you have to be best friends with her, but you both have to respect each other. I'd talk with your bf and say that you'd like to know where he sees the relationship going because if it's not going towards marriage, you want out. It can't be because of HER that you break up with him. But if he is unable or unwiling to face his mother head on about this issue, you may need to ask yourself if you can live with a man who won't step up to the plate.