My boyfriend is still helping his ex wife?

My boyfriend is a great man and his giving personality is one of the many things that attract me to him. However one thing really bothers me. He is so helpful even with his ex who horribly broke his heart. He still helps her move, do odds and ends around the house and then helps her financially when she can't afford things like vet bills ect.





I am a very level headed female and I know we both love each other. This one aspect really bothers me. Maybe it is because he is still not technically single yet, because she is dragging her feet on signing the divorce papers. The biggest issue by far though is his inability to tell me what he is doing while I work. We have opposite work schedules so he is usually help her while I am at work, when he says he is going to the gym or out to dinner. I have caught him in his lies but don't know what to do. Because the only way I am able to catch him is looking at his texts on his phone.





This is not like me. We honestly never fight, but that is becasue we are both able to problem solve in a clam manner. I just don't even know how to bring this topic up with him.





What right do I have to say stop helping your ex.





Hopefully someone out there has some advice that might help othern then just talk to him, obviously I thought of that I just need help on how to even approach the issue.My boyfriend is still helping his ex wife?
You don't have any right to tell him to stop, they still are married. You should completely back off and let him lead his life. You need to tell him that as much as you love him, you will not let your heart be broken because he will not break from his wife. If the divorce is in the works, then wait for it to be completely over before you have more to do with him. I know that sounds odd, but he is enjoying the best of both worlds, and he needs to think about you and your feelings. You are the other woman at this point, and you deserve better than that. When he is done with her then tell him to call you, otherwise she will be in the middle for the rest of your life.My boyfriend is still helping his ex wife?
2 situations here, and you didn't make this clear ... so I'll go over both.





If they have kids together they will always be in each other's life, and helping her around the house is really helping his kids indirectly.





If they don't have kids together that man needs to cut ties with a woman who is no longer his wife.
If she broke his heart then he has no closure and he still loves her. If she will keep him he will stay with her TRUST ME! He might care about you deeply but that is his wife and he does still love her or else he wouldnt go out of his way for her.
Please get out of this relationship.
as you said, ';technically'; , they are still married. it seems that he is doing as what a husband should do for his wife
just be straight up with him and tell him does he still do anything with his ex wife
I hate to tell you this, but the reason he does this for her, is because she has not let him go yet. Why do you think she is dragging her feet on the divorce? Because she thinks that if she does he will stop doing the stuff for her. He has to get to a point where he will say ';enough is enough';. And, if the marriage is truly over, she is going to have to get along without his help. Only then will things change.
If you guys are engaged/married you have EVERY right to mention your opinion in the matter of ANOTHER woman. If you are just dating, you have the right to discuss the matter with him, but no right to make or pressure him to stop who he chooses to befriend. It's up to you to leave or end the relationship because it isn't working for ';you';. If you guys are engaged, obviously those issues need to be worked out before moving any further. Marriage does not make right the problems you have before...if anything it'll make them worse. You never can go wrong by being totally honest and having a complete open discussion about anything. That is truly the only way to face a problem. Speak to him about it. If you don't like what he proposes and it doesn't mesh with ';you';, than move on.
Many people can't full move on until the divorce is final. They still feel a connect to the other person, Marriage creates bonds.





Your guy hasn't completely moved on and is wrong for getting involved with someone else, well he has unfinished business.





You are actually setting yourself up to get hurt. You don't deserve to be in this situation, but you are responsible for your choices, You see what's going on, you just don't want to believe it.





His words are cheap, it's the actions that mean something.





You are being a fool and you are, The REBOUND Girl. You fill the void that's it.





But he says he loves me, I know he loves me. We make love and it's all BS. If he was a straigtup person he wouldn't be dating someone when he is going through a divorce, Nor would he be disrespecting you by doing much more than he should for his ex.





You think you know and can trust someone because they are so convincing and it all seems normal. Your dealing with someone that has one foot in his marriage and one foot in your heart. He's screwed up. He doesn't tell you what or how he really feels. His actions say it all.





I'm Telling you from experience.





***** ADD ON: Remember this, SEEING IS BELIEVING.





They will tell you it's not like that, it's just because, excuses, excuses after excuses. I think people like your guy does care for you, but his committment is to his wife.





Your gonna lose.





One last thing:





You have to ask yourself, why are you tolerating this? Why did you attract %26amp; become involved with this situation?





I was patient and quiet too for a 1-1/2 years. Nothing Changed for us, except she was becoming more involved with him.





When we met she was a broken wounded women, She took all my support and kindness and used me to build her own self-esteem up. She was loving and we often talked of a future. Once she was healed and back on her feel, I barely recognized her. She wasn't the person she pretended to be, by a long shot.





Lasted 2 years, and when I started to question things and show my dissatisfaction, I was made the bad guy. At the end she couldn't hide the lies any longer. One time she confused me for him when telling a story about shopping. I wasn't even there shopping with her, someone was, just not me. They slip up even if they are careful.





Against my morals I broke down and found a overly friendly text to the ex.





I just look back and think two snakes are good for each other.
His ex should have moved on and relied on someone else by now. I've been in this situation. I said if it continued (their friendship, etc) I didn't think our relationship had much of a future because I wouldn't live like that, period. It took him a few months to sort financial things out etc, but they aren't in contact these days.


Word of honest advice: do NOT marry him until this is resolved. Having exes in your life is often unnecessary and inappropriate.
You know, I have to agree with the answerer named ';golfgirl';. You must suggest to your bf that he should give his wife a deadline by which she must sign the divorce papers and let the poor man GO! It's obvious that she's putting it off because she wouldn't get all that help from your bf otherwise! She's ';using'; him greatly to her advantage. Tell him all this. You know, since your bf sounds like a nice person and you do as well, I think you'd be great for each other! He would always have some responsibilities, esp if he has kids with the ex, but certainly to a lesser extent than now. The sooner he lets go of his witch wife, the better.
Well you are right what you need to do is sit down and talk. This is best done when you both aren't running around to and from work. Maybe on a weekend evening or some time where you have an hour or two to just sit and relax and talk. Think about what you want to say and maybe even journal your thoughts out about what you want to say. Then sit down with him and let him know '; Hun I know you know that you helping out your ex really bothers me. I love what a giving and good person you are it is one of the reasons I fell in love with you, but this has gotten to be to much. You lie to me and tell me you are going to dinner or out to the gym when you are actually going out to help her. I know you loved and cared about her but you are with me now and I find this to be very disrepsectful not only to me but to our relationship. Why do you feel this need to help her out so much and what can be done to change this? '; Say something like that and make sure you don't come out jealous and controling which can be hard to not do. Let him know you trust him and you are not worried about him cheating on you, you just feel it is disrespectful to you and your relationship to constantly be over there. See what he says. If he is helping her this much there are still feelings there. You need to talk about this.