What is your take on the situation.... Was it my fault?

Last weekend my boyfriend and I got into a fight... I went out with a friend for the first time in like almost a year of leaving the house, and I was so excited that I forgot to lock the door, and I didn't leave a note... He called me about 8 times and I was afraid to answer for the chance of my friend thinking I had a controlling person in my life... I did answer eventually, and he did freak out... now the girl does not want to talk it seems. He didn't come home for 2 nights, and 3 days after him being home, he has not said a thing about where he had been. Normally, I would ask, or demand to know... But this time, I am pretending like I don't care... but I am not really pretending, I don't care anymore... at least that is how I really feel, and I haven't felt that way before.... I am just finished fighting. Please don't judge though because that is only MY side of the story....


I called his mom and she told me to ';stop mothering him';, and that I can't save him.... So I have been sleeping on the couch ever since, and he has not asked why... for the sake of him not wanting to tell me where he was for those 2 nights maybe?





His mom told me to ';pick my battles';... He drinks an AWFUL lot... Probably every night. She has even said we need to stop drinking together, so I stop and he does not. He said I need to stop and not him! I stoped, and he still drinks! His mother calls him a ';dry alcoholic';...I am the type of person to think that even if you only drink 2 beers every day, just because you feel you need it in some way, you are dependant. I know because I have felt that way before. But he drinks like 4or5, and sometimes liquor during the week. Well this is my question:








After 3 nights of sleeping in a seperate room, he has said little things like ';I don't have the plague';... or ';You can come in here with me';... Ijust say no. Not in a rude way, just like I don't have a care in the world. But this morning, he came and laid down on my leg... and I was not going to an *** and give him the argument he wants and jump up, so I just sat there. We had more conversation than we had in the last couple of days. Then when he was leaving he said to me: ';When you get home from class tonight, I will be curled up with my 5 babies';... I said, ';What?'; He replied, ';With my 5 long necks';... It just slipped out of my mouth, ';It figures';. Not in a rude way, just in a way that friends would say something to one another. I SWEAR to you there was no tone in my voice that implied insult at ALL! But if the truth hurts????!!!He said then, ';What are you saying, that I drink a lot?';... I said, ';No, I just see you drinking almonst every night';... in a VERY meek voice! He then said, ';Maybe I won't see you tonight then!';. What is your take on that. I know I should ';pick my battles';... but was I out of line?What is your take on the situation.... Was it my fault?
There is a lot of immaturity in this relationship.





It is on both parts.





Not answering while the door was left unlocked


was a very irresponsible thing to do.





It probably scared him to death.





His mother said pick your battles because she


already feels defeated.





She knows that she does not have the power to


make him stop, so she is thinking you do not have


that power either.





Nonetheless, drinking daily is alcoholism.





You say that you can not leave and that you have no


family around, so I will not say dump him.





I will say that everyday drinkers to not make good


spouses, fathers, or workers.





I will say that having a child with someone who acts


like a child will be enough to send you over the edge.





Having a child with someone whose emotions are


alcohol based is sad for the child who needs a parent.





Worrying about whether he will be pulled over, or fired


at any moment is a heavy burden to carry.





He will not stop drinking because he is depressed, and


chemically %26amp; mentally addicted to alcohol.





The future does not look bright through the bottom of


a longneck bottle.





Best wishesWhat is your take on the situation.... Was it my fault?
You all need to stop acting like a bunch of teens and treat one another with respect. Sit down and work out the problems rather than throwing out snide comments BOTH OF YOU. You either want this or you don't. You need to decide.
He sounds like a drunk loser, leave him. You're not even married to him and probably never will....spare your sanity and run away from him
First of all silent treatment does NOT work ever. The drinking so much by either of you will only worsen your situation.You should have left a note,or called him. Do you care more of what your friends think than what your man thinks?


He could have thought you left him or got hurt. Think how you would feel if he left and gave no information to you.Make up with him.
If he has a drinking problem you can try and save him, but unless he's willing to see that he needs to slow down, he won't!! Unless he's willing to change for the better why should you change for the worse. But if you really love him and want to be together, explain to him what your feeling are, and then let him decide. Let him know that although you need him in your life, you will let him go. Life is too short and cruel to waste time on someone breaking you down! Life will do that for you. You need to look at your life and try and visualize what its gonna be like in 10,20 even 30 years from now.
well, u don't wanna leave him - don't leave him. but he is an alcoholic. and he is in denial. so u can not do anything about it anyway, unless u drink with him and become an alcoholic too. ever read ';the trap'; by Zola? exactly like your story.
He is an alcoholic and you would be wise not to marry this man who chooses beer over you.


Start saving your money now in a bank account with only YOUR name on it that only YOU know about.


I sincerely hope that he hasn't been with another women during these blackout days that you do not know where he is.
You are both dead wrong. Both acting like spoiled 2 year olds. He reached out to you to attempt to resolve this problem, and you make snide remarks. And don't give us the I had no tone comment. Bull! An insult is an insult. Talk to him. Be honest. Not accusatory. Not nasty. But honest. Conversation is the only way to resolve issues in a relationship. Learn it now. And staying with someone just so you won't be alone has disaster written all over it.
Of course it's not easy.


The easy thing would be to just forget any morals and just move in together. There is no promise from one to another about ANYTHING! You are free to do as you please with anyone at anytime. There is no mention of what one will do for the other in times of stress. There is only sex. This is about the only reason that people decide to ';live together.'; And when the sex is not a priority anymore - neither is the reason for the relationship.


Get it?


Living together is about the worst thing people can do. You prove to each other day after day that who you are, what your dreams and aspirations are, what your goals in life are, your integrity, your morals, your self-worth..........means nothing! Without the vow - all you're asking for is pain and suffering and grief.


This is why it's always been called ';living in sin';.


You really don't get it - do you?
Wow.


Clearly no communication skills are visible in your relationship. You probably already know that, but please read on and PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AS I FEEL FOR YOU...





Although a tough situation, I agree 100% w/the above answerer who mentions the ';pros %26amp; cons'; of living together (a.k.a. living in sin). W/out that vow, that commitment, that promise, you have NOTHING.





However, I'll try not to make this toooo long for you... but please know that ';everything happens for a reason';... meaning, I don't live w/you two, but I can guess the indecisiveness regarding the alcoholic dilemma you're both unfortunately suffering has been festering for so long during your 4-year relationship. And quite frankly, as a recovering alcoholic myself, I think some of your problems might be coming to an end (?).





I mean, think about it, seriously... think about it in a positive way:


The outing w/your friend may have been some form of intervention (sort of an ice-breaker toward your recovery maybe?). You mentioned she is no longer around now. Yet she opened a door and now look where you are! Asking others' opinions, not only on the matter of the argument, but other issues as well... issues which seem to be the root of other concerns you may be having.


(You're asking for help... I'm proud of you.)





Feel free to let me know how it all works out!





Take Care %26amp; God Bless~





PS: REMEMBER THAT YOU CANNOT LOVE SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU DON'T LOVE ';YOURSELF';. LOVING ONE'S SELF MEANS PROTECTING ONE'S MORALS, PRINCIPLES AND SCRUPLES... AND OF COURSE, HAVING SELF-DISCIPLINE, SELF-ESTEEM, AND SELF-DIGNITY.


IN OTHER WORDS... ';take care of YOU first'; :)