My mom makes me feel horrible, how do I make her stop ?

My mother is 47 years old. She's a mother of two daughters a 16 year old ( me ) and a 4 year old ( my half-sister ) My mother is un-employed and cares for my sister half the time. My step-dad is the only working person in our family. He hardly helps out with my sister. He didn't want her in the first place.





I'm not sure if my mom has menopause or is having a mid-life crisis or what, but lately she's been very dare I say, mean.





Over the summer my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me. He was my first love and we liked each other for 5 long years. My mom really liked my boyfriend ( we grew up together for 10 years ). However, when he broke up with me I called my mom the next day and told her what happened and cried my heart out to her. After that call, I stopped calling her. I stopped calling everyone. I needed to be by myself. She called one day, and was upset that I didn't call. She said I didn't care for my little sister ( since i wasn't talking to anyone ) and grew even more upset when I told her I needed some alone time. She then said '; With an attitude like that, no wonder james dumped you ! ';





She's said that several times. Once when she picked me up from school she asked me how my day went. I was reluctant to tell her because it didn't go so well. I calmly told her '; I'm sorry, mom, I don't want to talk about it. '; She grew angry '; Tell me how your day went ! '; '; Mom, I don't want to talk about it ! '; '; I DEMAND YOU TELL ME ! '; '; Mom, please stop it. '; '; you know what ? no boy wants a girl like you ! with an attitude like that ! '; Somehow I managed to remain calm '; Mom, please stop. You know, there's lots of kids who don't tell their moms anything.. I'll tell you when I feel comfortable '; '; NO, YOU'LL TELL ME NOW '; and we broke out into a fight. ( All I asked her to do was stop, and let the conversation drop but she wanted to keep it going. )





I can usually take things she says to me, but when she mentions low-blows like my boyfriend or something I've done in the past ( like when I called her a *****, after she threw a hardcover book at my head ) which, btw. SHE NEVER FORGETS. If i make a single mistake in the past she never lets it go and brings it up and makes me feel horrible about it.





How do I make her stop? I tell her some things she says, it hurts me and she says I'm over-sensitive and starts another fight with me.My mom makes me feel horrible, how do I make her stop ?
First of all, I am really sorry you are going through this.





Now, I just want to say, from your mom's perspective, it sounds like she has very low self-esteem and doesn't understand how her words are hurting you. It's hard, but you have to try not to take what she says to heart. Turn it around and think ';Wow, she must really be feeling lousy to be talking to me this way.'; For some reason, she is a very unhappy person, maybe because of what happened with your dad, or maybe her relationship with your step-dad hasn't been the greatest. She is probably under a lot of stress and is taking it out on you.





Now, there's no excuse for the way she is treating you. I just want you to not let it affect the way you see yourself. Think of it this way---when she acts like that, it says a lot more about her than it does about you. How sad and pathetic she must be to not even be able to treat her own daughter with respect?





What can you do? Well, you don't have to engage in an argument. You can give her a quick answer like ';My day was fine';. If she bugs you, say you have a bad headache and want to get home to lie down. She is pushing you away because you are not going to want to confide in her because of fear of how she will react. But I think you have to be cool just to protect yourself.





Remember, it's not you, it's her!





Good luck.