How do you know you're growing apart from your boyfriend?

We were soo close when we were younger. Around 18 I believe. We grew up together and we did everything together. Things started to change, and I started to realize things about him that I hadn't noticed before. So around this time I was unsure of whether to break up with him or not. Understand it was nothing serious, the quirks consisted of him breathing out of his mouth for no reason. It bothered me, and still does, it's like a geek who has a stopped up nose. He was messy, sloppy, and lazy. These were the quirks. But in this moment of confusion ,another guy came along and I fell in love with him. For about a year I battled with myself, trying to relieve myself of my ex-boyfriend and be with my current. That left me in a bitter state. While being in that state the guy I was currently with left me, because I was just to sour. Which I understand. So my original boyfriend decided to give it another go, but we fight like every two or three days. It's always me bring it up. He's messy, he doesn't clean up after himself, he's forgetful. He has smelly feet, he never really stands up for himself, and did I mention he breathes from his nose?!!!!!!! I don't know how to feel anymore. He has good qualities, he's kind, he's sincere, he's loyal, he's persistent, generous, and very giving. But his quirks drive me up a f**king wall. I haven't had intercourse with him in so long, even though he brings it up often, and I've told him why. I don't kiss him, because he always has groddy stuff on it. I told him I needed some time, because apparently I wasn't ready for a full on relationship. But now, we fight over stupid crap, and every time, I just get consumed by anger and I want to leave him.


One of the reason's why, is because I've fallen into a slump of negativity, because of heart break, and resentment, that I don't want to lose my boyfriend if he is a really good guy, but I'm the one who might need to meditate, and look back on the positive side.





You know when were close, I used to look up to him, and trust in him. But because we have lost so many things because of his unwillingness to step up, I just doubt him. I'm afraid. I've lost my way, and I'm not longer the confident girl who once knew what she wanted. I've said things on this post that I would not say to anyone else, because I'm truly reaching out and trying to find answers. Sometimes it is not always easy when you are on the inside looking in.





We've past the major stages of relationships, now it's maintaining it that's the hard part.





This is a very serious post, I would like to have intelligent answers, not someone mocking me because we all fall once in a while.





Thank youHow do you know you're growing apart from your boyfriend?
If you have to convince yourself to stay with someone, then you probably should break up.


If you have to convince yourself to break up with someone, then you're probably making a mistake.





From your question it's sounding like the first option...It sounds like you have all these hopes of what you wish he would be, and what you hope for what he can become, and it's becoming exhausting when you're facing disappointment. It seems like you're in love with the idea of the possibilities of your relationship, but not actually what it is.





Your relationship has a lot more potential in your mind than it does with reality.


I don't like telling people to break up, but it sounds like you need to break up with him and be single for a while so you can get the confident girl back that knows how to stand on her own two feet. You've relied and expected from your boyfriend for too long and feel maybe a little let down--so of course you're going to be insecure.





It's not his fault though, it sounds like you're growing up to get a more developed image of what a relationship is in your head, and he has something else. Only younger people think all there is to a relationship is love.


I think you're getting older and realizing that a relationship takes more than just love to be successful, and you're just kind of kicking a dead horse by attempting to close your eyes and pretend to continue to live in the less mature image of a relationship.





I think you're too young to commit yourself in a relationship.